Bad Mommy

Do you ever feel like a bad mom?  I do.  Quite often.  In fact,  I sometimes think that I’m the worst mom ever.  Whenever I voice these genuine feelings to my husband, however, He just laughs it off and tells me that other mom’s are a lot worse than I am and that their kids turn out just fine.  What?  That doesn’t exactly make me feel better!

I know that kids are resilient and, for the most part, they all eventually turn into functioning human beings.  But aside from wanting my kids to turn out “just fine”, I hope that they actually enjoy their childhood and remember it with fondness.  Sometimes I feel like I’m so busy simply trying to function and get through the daily routine that I fail to incorporate memorable activities or experiences throughout the day.

I really wish that each child came equipped with instructions.  It would make life so much easier!  Due to the lack of instructions, I can’t help but feel like a bad mom and that I’m damaging each child for good.

At the moment, I know that I’m ruining Mason.  I’ll be blunt, He is a horrible sleeper.  He is two and a half months old and I have had to sleep with him every single night (except for a few heavenly hours last week when he miraculously slept in his crib).  I try to put him down so many times and he promptly wakes up and screams.  It’s just not worth it to me to continuously try and put him down and listen to him cry…so I just keep him in bed with me.  It’s not comfortable though.  My husband is almost always nearly falling off of the bed.  I can’t truly rest because I’m so scared of squishing him.  However, although I hate to admit it to myself, I am starting to enjoy sleeping with him.  I love how warm he is.  I love how adorably chubby and kiss-able he is!  He won’t be a baby forever and a part of me just longs to keep him this small forever.

My husband tells me that I need to just let him cry.  Deep down, I know that I need to.  But I just can’t.  I have let him cry for 20 minutes and he just screams the entire time.  He doesn’t go to sleep.  He wants to be held, and he wants to be sucking on you-know-what.  He could care less about a plastic binky.  I keep telling myself that when He is a few months older, I will just have to let him cry it out.  He seems too young right now though.  I know that Mason would sleep better in his own crib, yet I can’t let him cry.  So I feel like a bad mom.

During the day, I am constantly holding him (like I am at this very moment).  I have to do most everything while holding him.  If I put him down, He cries.  He does, occasionally, have those moments when He is happy and content, but they are so far and in between.  Those moments usually happen in the mornings.  And I feel like a bad mom because when I am able to put him down in the mornings, of all the more worthy things that I could be doing, I choose to squeeze in a 20 minute workout.  I feel like I must exercise for my sanity…but I feel like a bad mom the entire time because I know that I should be spending time with my other children instead of being selfish and exercising.  Right?

I feel like a bad mom because I can’t give all of my kids the the individual attention that they need and deserve, especially because I happen to be holding the baby the majority of the time.  We aren’t done having kids either, which makes me feel even more guilty.  When I get those rare moments when I can put him down, I rush around like a mad woman.   I tell Lizzie and Bryce that I can play outside with them now.  I hurry and make them a yummy lunch or special snack.  I play Candy Land with them.  I cuddle them on the couch.

Or, if I’m a bad mom, I neglect my other children and try to clean the house.  Like Sunday.  It was General Conference, which is something that I look forward to a lot.  The day started out crazy.  The kids seemed extra hyper.  I wasn’t able to really enjoy conference.  I got frustrated.  Which led to me looking at my surroundings and going crazy because everything was so messy.  After conference was over, I was able to put the baby down and I started cleaning (and I even threw away some of those small dinky toys that are always all over the house and that drive me absolutely crazy).  Fortunately for me, my husband caught on to my “mood” and He cleaned the bathrooms really well, among other things.  He knows that when my hormones are raging, nothing makes me feel better than to have a clean house. 🙂  Yes, I know that it was Sunday.  But you know, for me at least, the ox was definitely in the mire.

Anyway, I need to stop writing.  Because, you know, I feel like a bad mom even taking the time to quickly vent my feelings by writing this post.

What about all of you?  Do you feel like a bad mom as much as I do?  How do you overcome these feelings?

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6 thoughts on “Bad Mommy

  1. I feel EXACTLY the way you do. I think it is so common, but it doesn’t make it better. I try and tell myself that others feel the same way I do, but it doesn’t help because I just don’t want to feel that way : ) I make a to-do list every morning and I try and rotate a cleaning item with a selfish item and with playing with the kids. It’s easier for me now that Ty’s older and semi-sleeping in his crib, but you know, I was where you were a couple months ago. It will get better : )

  2. I know exactly how you feel. I think this is the curse of mommyhood. It is amazing, rewarding, exhausting, hilarious and always comes with a big helping of guilt on the side. It’s like when you go to a restaurant and order a hamburger and when they bring you your plate there is a little bowl of cole slaw…..you didn’t order it but..there it is lol. First, I wanna say ever kid is different and only you know what works for your children and family. Developmentally, (based on my Early Childhood Ed classes in college) it is perfectly normal for a 2 1/2 month old not to sleep well alone and not to sleep through the night.

    This is just my experience. I personally try to use elements found in attachment parenting. I held my kiddo constantly, barely ever put him down in fact. He only slept in bed with me from birth to about 7 months old. He began taking naps in his crib and then we worked on sleeping nights in there. Now he is a crazy, active, sweet 2 year old. We just recently switched it to a “big boy (toddler) bed” and on most nights he sleep fine, with the occasional wake up (about twice a week). I know co-sleeping and bed sharing isn’t for everyone. It does work for us though and I have to say my kid is one of the most independent and happy kiddos I know 🙂 But maybe I’m just bragging, every momma knows her munchkins are amazing!

    For days, have you tried a sling? It works miracles. Baby gets to be all close, warm, and snuggled up to you which can make it easier for them to get to sleep (and stay asleep!), soothe themselves, and you get to keep both your arms free for other little ones or cleaning and cooking tasks.

    It always gets better. I like to think about it as a bad mom wouldn’t take the time to think and ask herself if she is being a bad mom. Most good mommas constantly worry about their kiddos and their choices in parenting even if they are doing everything right. Hang in there, you sound like you’re doing an amazing job!!!

  3. You are not a bad mom. Here’s my theory on sleeping with babies and holding them all day; the reason they want it, is because it’s natural for them. Mason needs you to hold him and that’s ok! I sleep with Brielle. Sean and I have loved it and I actually think I’m a better parent because I can parent her through the night. And you love your kids. That’s all they will remember when they grow up. That they had a mom that loved them more then anything. 🙂

  4. You are listening to your babies needs and in my book that makes you a great mom. don’t worry all of my kids have slept in our bed and nursed whenever and wherever they needed even through the night and so far they are all doing just fine. Holden slept in our bed until he was three and then still snuck in our bed in the middle of the night for a couple more years and i would never consider him ruined i think exactly the opposite he is very independent and confident. don’t let other peoples opinions of how to raise children make you feel like you’re a bad mom do what feels right to you and be proud. then get a good quality baby carrier and put him up on your back you’ll be amazed at how much you can do and how content he will be, you can cook or clean, eat a meal in peace or even play candy land with the older kids. Some babies just need to be held all the time and then they grow out of it life will return to normal before you know it.

  5. Thanks for all of your comments! It’s good to know that I may actually be more “normal” than I had thought! 🙂 I’m glad that I’m not the only one who allows my baby to sleep in bed with me (and that I shouldn’t consider myself a bad mom for enjoying it!). I really do appreciate your comments of encouragement! 🙂 You are all mom’s that I look up to and admire!

  6. Being a mother is such a balancing act! You have so many demands placed upon you-the physical and spiritual needs of your children, a house to clean, meals to make, laundry, errands, etc. It really never does end! Some days are going to be good, some days will be horrible and some moments of time will feel like they’re never going to end, like Mason wanting to be held constantly. Not to mention that you’re transitioning to a new stage of life. Going from two to three kids is not easy. You’re going to have less time for the things that you have to do.

    You and bad mommy don’t belong in the same sentence! Really and truly. I hate to see you get down on yourself for taking 20 minutes to exercise or get something done that you want to do. I honestly believe if moms don’t take time for themselves, it’s actually worse. We are not super women and never will be. We are human and make mistakes and NEED a moment of sanity, even if we feel like we are sacrificing time we could be playing with our children, washing dishes, planning FHE, etc. If you think about it, there were even times the Savior needed to be by himself. In the New Testament, the crowds followed him constantly and sometimes he would just go off by himself, make the crowd wait and then go and meet the crowd and teach them.

    You talked a lot about feeling guilty. Guilt doesn’t come from Heavenly Father, but Satan. He wants you to feel guilty because you’re not perfect. He wants you to feel like you don’t measure up and are a “bad mommy.” He wants you to feel stressed and upset that you can’t be all that you want to be for your children.

    I hope you don’t feel like I’m lecturing you. I have felt similar to you. It just makes me sad to see you get down on yourself when I KNOW what an excellent mother you. You really care about your children and want the best for them. We’re all trying and Heavenly Father wants us to feel our successes and not get down on ourselves when things don’t work out the way we would like them too. 🙂

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