I have discovered something extraordinarily covert since I have been married. You may or may not have discovered this secret yourself. Chances are, if you are a woman who inhales oxygen, this particular secret has incalculably blessed your life.
So, what exactly is it that’s so hush-hush? It’s simple, really.
As a woman, you can blame absolutely everything on hormones.
Consider the following scenario. Your husband comes home late from work one day and finds you relentlessly snapping at your children. He leans down to kiss you on the lips and is genuinely surprised when you apparently fail to notice his romantic antics as you politely (at least you thought that you were being polite) command him to assist you in picking up the miniature blocks that are scattered all over the kitchen floor, which are somehow prohibiting you from accomplishing anything of worth. Your husband looks at you for a brief moment and then the all-too-familiar phrase escapes his lips.
“Is it that time of the month?”
or, more commonly,
“Is your period going to start soon?”
or, my personal favorite,
“You must be pregnant.”
So, what if you’re not on your period, not experiencing PMS, or if you are undeniably not pregnant (because you had just urinated on a home-pregnancy-test and it unquestionably lacked an extra line).
Our husbands don’t know that.
This is where the top-secret trick comes in to play.
When your husband comes home from work and finds you in a similar scenario, we have a right (as hormone-saturated women) to forgo taking responsibility for our actions…don’t we? Because we’re not really grumpy, snappy, mean, and horrible…right? The hormones are absolutely to blame.
So what do we tell our husbands?
“Sorry, honey. It’s my hormones.”
It truly is that simple. Chances are, if your husband is anything like my husband, he will politely smile and give you the apologetic look. Then he’ll proceed to tell the children to clean up their mess (which they will do, without complaint, 97% of the time…why they listen to their dad so effortlessly remains a mystery to me).
The truth of the matter is that our husbands don’t know what it feels like to be a woman. We truly do have raging hormones at times. These hormones cause us to feel an array of emotions ranging from depression to elation. In actuality, would it not be an accurate statement to assume that every single woman is bi-polar to some extent?
If I happen to snap at Jon regarding something inconsequential, it’s not really my fault, right? If I crave a chocolate-peanut butter-banana sandwich (with Oreo ice-cream on the side), it’s not really me with the horrid craving, right? So what if I want to go to bed at 4:00 in the afternoon or cry for no apparent reason? It’s not me. It’s my blasted hormones.
Hormones are to blame for every negative aspect of my life.
Because, deep down, I’m actually a good person. If my hormones weren’t a factor in my existence, I would totally eat healthy 100% of the time. I would never snap at my children. I wouldn’t get frustrated. I wouldn’t get angry, upset, bored, jealous, or feel embarrassed. I wouldn’t need time to unwind. I would never murmur. My house would look immaculate because my hormones wouldn’t have prevented me from incessantly cleaning. Without hormones, I wouldn’t ever experience bouts of insecurity and decreased self-esteem. I would surely do my visiting teaching every single month.
In short, without hormones, I would pretty much be perfect.
Although blaming my hormones for my poor behavior can often be quite beneficial, I can’t help but wonder…are hormones truly to blame? What percentage of my less than desirable behavior is actually driven by hormones? What if I’m actually a grumpy and impatient person, regardless of any hormones that may or may not exist? What if I’m actually sad and I cry for a valid reason and not simply because my hormones are causing me to be emotional. What if, after all of these years, we women have been blaming our hormones when, in fact, they are unquestionably innocent?
At any rate, I’m quite finished evaluating my behavior based on the existence of or complete lack of hormones.
I am me, with or without those dreaded hormones.
I’ll keep pushing through, day by day (second by second), and continue to try my best. If I slip up (as a result of hormones, or not), all that I can do is learn from my mistakes and try to improve! 🙂
No one is perfect.
But I can’t help but admit that men may have it easier on their road to perfection. They just have to overcome the natural man, not hormones as well! 🙂
Good luck with your hormones, ladies! And don’t be afraid to use them as an excuse…your other half will never know! 😉